Self-compassion involves treating yourself the way you would a friend or a child who is having a hard time. Often we don’t and are at times our own worst critics. We need to learn to be that good friend for ourselves at the times we need it the most. Mindful self-compassion combines the skills of mindfulness and self-compassion and can be a powerful tool in building resilience. Pioneered and defined by Dr. Kristen Neff, self-compassion is showing kindness and understanding towards ourselves when we fail. Consisting of 3 core elements; Self-kindness, giving yourself the tenderness and care you need when going through a tough time and trying to understand and show tolerance of your own perceived personality flaws or shortcomings. Common Humanity ‘Being part of something bigger’ and perceiving those shortcomings or difficulties as ‘part of life’ and reminding yourself that others feels just as inadequate as you. Combined with mindfulness which helps us to become aware of those painful thoughts, rather than ruminating or avoiding them we can maintain a perspective.
Research has shown if we practise self-compassion we can experience a greater psychological health than those who don’t; leading to not only greater life satisfaction, happiness, wisdom, optimism, curiosity, social connectedness and emotional resilience but a reduced prevalence of both anxiety and depression.
There are many ways of incorporating self-compassion into our therapy sessions. One way is to write a self-compassion letter to yourself. Have a try, write something kind and gentle as if you were talking to a child or a friend in need. Be accepting and compassionate and think about all the ways you would reassure somebody they were valuable, worthwhile and a beautiful human being. You’ll be surprised just how different it can make you feel. Try even posting it to yourself! As Rumi said,
“Our task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
I offer a free 20 minute consultation, if you have any questions or are still unsure how I can help please feel free to contact me via phone or email.
