On starting a new school, college or arriving at university your teen may be feeling nervous about the change. They may be worrying they may not ‘fit in’ or may find themselves having to deal with a great deal of change by themselves, away from home without you, their family and friends. Similarly you may be worrying about them leaving, will they make friends, how will they manage or look after themselves? Everything you and your teen are thinking and feeling is perfectly normal. Chances are their fellow students and parents are all as nervous and having the same thoughts and worries as you. I know I did, it’s part of ‘letting go’ as they begin their adventures in the adult world. However there are ways you can help at this time of change before they leave:
Make sure they can do household tasks. Can they cook the basics, work the washing machine? Not to say they will, this one will really help you feel better
Help them with budgeting and finances, help them work out how much things cost
Encourage them to read all the information sent out not only to help them feel more confident when they arrive but to give them an idea of clubs and social activities around their course.
Reassure friends they make initially may not be the friends they spend time with throughout their course and talk to them about realistic expectations of their first few weeks. There will be challenges but you are at the end of a phone if they need to chat them through
Discuss ways in which you can communicate, they can be busy in the first few weeks if they are not great on the phone, stay in touch on social media. Try to stay calm and upbeat ( I know not easy when worried)
Spend time together before they leave or plan in visits to see them but don’t force it if they seem busy. They will soon be back with all that washing!
Help them prepare with what they need, it can be a time of excitement and you’ll both feel better if you know they have everything they are going to need
How can I help if they struggle?
When our confidence is low, we simply don’t believe we can achieve things and this can affect everyone, from high flying professionals to students, probably all of us from time to time. When we believe in ourselves we can approach work, life more positively. Together we can work to boost their coping skills, to help build their confidence and give them the tools to feel more confident whatever change or challenge they face. Cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy can really help in boosting your teens confidence and self-esteem by identifying the underlying beliefs that are holding them back and replace them with positive and rational ones. Often at the root of most worries are unhealthy thinking styles developed over time as coping strategies, which unfortunately serve to reinforce a problem rather than solve it. I can help your teen understand what is going on, and provide them with the means to change often long-established unhelpful patterns of behaviour and thinking.
I can help you too, a child leaving whether temporarily or ‘flying the nest’ is an emotional time for any parent and can have a huge impact on your life. Try to focus on the positives, enjoy the extra time, take up a new hobby, even the extra space. Many parents find their relationships improve with their children and they get to spend more quality time together.
For more read my blog on ‘How to help your teen get ready for university’ or ‘How to cope with worry’.
I believe everyone should have access to therapy but appreciate the costs can be prohibitive or worrying. I provide a limited number of free spaces for teens and young people. Contact me for more details.
